More progress?

One of my professors said that he was surprised how personal my blog was and that he felt like he was reading a diary. He’s right; my insights have been fairly personal especially for me because I’m usually a very private person. I hope by sharing some of our struggles that other parents and educators gain something from our experiences.

Last night started quietly with me trying to do my homework and my son sitting on the couch madly typing on his laptop with the tv blaring. I didn’t do very well being the positive parent. Looking back I think that he was trying to push my buttons for some reason. I ended up in lecture mode cross-examining him about his homework and work that hadn’t been completed. Then I started asking questions. By the end of the evening I hadn’t gone through the rest of my data for my action research project, but I have a much clearer view of my son.

He had been giving me hints for a long time but I just wasn’t ready to put the pieces together. Last night he said that he would rather take a zero on an assignment than do a bad job. He feels that his teachers hold him to a higher standard and that they are disappointed when he doesn’t turn in something that is incredible. He wants to write something that is amazing, but he didn’t know how to define amazing. I told him that everything that is written is a work in progress, websites are never done, and nothing is definite.

He said that I hadn’t read his postings in deviantART and wouldn’t say it, but he wanted me to. I told him I had looked for it, but he was very good at hiding and I knew he would share when he was ready. I read all of his postings at lunch today; very moving for a 16 year old. I now understand what he views as amazing.

After he went to bed looking like someone who had just been through a long battle, I pulled out my Michael D. Whitley book and reread the section on Hidden Perfectionists. My Action Research project has taken another turn. I’ve already googled perfectionism and will start working through some of the information for help.

As my husband pointed out last night I am really working on two projects – my action research project and my son. This stage of my research project will end soon; my other project is a work in progress.

Progress?

Last week it felt like we were making some progress. His grades were going up (he’s passing every class now) and he seemed to be in a little better mood. This process has helped me talk to him more and take a different look at how things are going.

I also thought we were making progress because he seemed to be making slow adjustments to major changes at school and a disruptive schedule before and after Spring Break.  His school built a new building and they moved from the old building into the new section during Spring Break. The week before Spring Break was moving week and most of his classes had different schedules and were chaotic. He has always said that he liked change and even thrived on it, but he definitely wasn’t thriving.

Going back to school after the long Spring Break gave me insight into how much he depends on things being consistent. He talked about how much he hated the new building, how he was afraid he couldn’t find his classes, and how he wished they were back in the new building. He even got sick the weekend after the first week back and missed two days of school. I suspected it was stress and let him stay home. Its been several weeks now, and he is very slowly adjusting to the changes. I’ve learned that he hates having change forced on him and this period has given me a new direction in my action research project.  I’m going to look at change and how people cope with changes.  Maybe I’ll be able to understand him a little better.

He was also struggling with a project in art class. He loves to draw and often when he draws he hums. I know he’s happy when he softly hums while he works on projects and most of the time that is when he is drawing. In art class he is trying something new – he’s learning to paint.  It hasn’t been easy, but mostly he has enjoyed the process.  He had seemed restless for a couple of weeks and I noticed he was doing less homework and I knew something was bugging him.

I finally asked him what was going on and he told me that he was struggling with a painting in art and didn’t know what to do. After discussing his options he decided to talk to his teacher and see if he could move on to another project. He said that Art was starting to feel like Geometry (which he hates) and he wanted to have fun in Art again. We actually had a good conversation about the creating process and why he was struggling and what he needed to do to get unstuck. It felt like a little progress.

Just a thought

I finished my literature review and learned quite a bit about motivation.  I also learned that there is still a lot for me to learn.  Life has been crazy with all of our activities, school and work.  I’m working on a project for one of my classes and being meticulous again. It has been taking all of my energy and time. 

Funny how things happen in life to jolt you back to what is really important.  One of my co-workers took his 8 week old daughter in for a routine doctor’s appointment today thinking everything was going well.  Instead of coming to work they were referred to a cardiologist at Children’s Hospital to “check” things out. 

My son has his issues, but I am very thankful that he is healthy and we haven’t had any major medical surprises.